2008-07-17 - 2:09 p.m.
Thursday afternoon
So, I didn't have an opportunity to write this morning. I had to get everyone ready to go to the mall. Since it is now the afternoon, and the children are all around me, this probably won't be that long of an entry, but who knows.
I did want to write because I wanted to tell you about what happened with Jonah. I think I told you I called him yesterday morning, but he didn't answer. Then last night, he was calling Leo on Leo's phone, and since Leo was outside, I answered it, and we talked for a minute, and he said, every time you called was exactly the wrong time today. I'm like, I only called you once, and he said are you sure? I said, I'm absolutely sure, because I meant to call my friend, but your number was the first one on the list, and I decided just to let it ring when I saw I had called you. I'm pretty proud of myself though, because it was a lie, yes, but first of all, he thought I had called him more than once, which is weird, but not only did I not call him a bunch of times, the one time I did call him was an accident.
So, Leo's going out tonight to see some person speak on the movie screen live via satellite, and it's $20, and he's going. He doesn't say, is it okay if I go, or do you mind, he says, I'm going. I said, okay, I want to go to the movies this weekend with my friend, can you watch the kids for me, and he says, maybe. He said that I could go with him tonight if I found someone to watch the kids, but I can't do that. We don't have a baby sitter or anything, and last minute, he knows there's no way I could get anyone to watch them. He's looking forward to going alone, or with Jonah. He's like, you probably wouldn't like it anyway, and I said, I'd like being with you.
blah.
I'm mad at him. I am really so mad. Sometimes I really feel like I hate him so much. He burns me up. He has no respect for me or anything I do. Today when I was going to the mall, he said, how much money are you going to spend, and I said, $20, that's how much you're going to spend tonight, right? But no, that pisses him off, and he's like, if you want to spend that, then you need to bring home $1300 a week, and then I said, oh, so are you going to clean the kitchen? I said, when you talk like that, it makes me feel like what I do is nothing to you, and I'm worthless. Then he said well, your half goes to the mortgage, cause if you left me, you'd get the house.
I just don't get his logic. He can't, even after nine years of marriage, he can't get it through his head that the money he makes is our money. It's HIS money, and he LETS me use it to pay bills or whatever.
The things I do, laundry, cleaning, cooking, taking care of the children, homeschooling, educating, everything, everything I do is nothing to him. He's like, I could pay people to do that. And I say, then pay me.
Anyway, I'm really pissed off because not only does he not care to keep the kids for me to be able to go out without them, he thinks nothing of going out whenever he wants and just leaving me here, with the kids, with no car.
